Parking Lot
[Doors
slamming]
“Oh! Wow! The
sun!”
“Yep.”
“What a
great day!”
“Yeah,
really great. It’s good to be outside. Feels like it’s been a year since it was warm
enough to get out.”
[Audible
deep-breathing]
“I
heard it’s going to rain on Friday maybe.”
“April
showers bring May flowers.”
“Uh huh.”
Basketball Court
[Ball
bouncing]
“You
got nothin!”
[Sneaker
squeaking]
“Go
on!... Get that weak stuff outta here!”
[Ball
bouncing]
[Metalic
clang]
“I told
ya son! Nothin!”
“Would
you shut up already, man?!”
“What?
I was just havin' a little fun. Chill. It’s just a game, dude.”
[Ball
bouncing]
“Whatever.”
[Ball
bouncing]
“Get
ready, fool! Here it comes! You ready for it?”
[Ball
bouncing]
[Grunting]
[Swish]
“Hah
ha! No your not! 20-12! That’s game, sucker.”
“I said
shut the fuck up, man! Get over yourself already.”
Park
Bench
“Such
language. In public no less. There’s children around for Pete’s sake.”
“Oh
come on now, Ruth. They’re just having a little fun.”
“A foul
mouth is no fun at all. ‘A fool’s mouth is his undoing.’”
“Here
we go…”
“What?
You don’t agree?”
Public
Restroom
“Guys,
guys! Seriously, shut up! They’re going to hear us. They're right outside. Shh.”
[Suppressed
laughing]
“Go on, Derrick. Do it already.”
“I
will. I will. Just gimme some space, alright? Back up wouldya?”
“He’s
not gonna.”
“Nah.
Let’s leave em.”
“I am too. Just
gimme a second, willya? Give it to me already. Who’s gotta light?”
[Denim
rustling]
“Give
to me. I’ll do it… So I’ll light it and then we all walk outta here very casual
in different directions one after the other. We’ve got probably like 15
seconds. We’ll keep walking till it goes and then we’ll take off. In
different directions. Don't come back here.”
“Then
what?”
“I
don’t care.”
“Why
are we doing this, again?”
“Shut
up, Tim. Does it matter? Because we can. Jeez. Calm down.”
Picnic
Table
[Birds
chirping]
“Who do
you think you are?”
“What?
You mean like rhetorically?”
“No.
Literally. Who do you think you are?”
“Uh…”
“Don’t
you know?”
“Uh. Not
exactly, no.”
[Silence]
“ I’m
Ted.”
“What?...
That’s it? You can’t be serious, Ted.”
“Well,
who are you smart guy?”
“I read
the other day that you are what you do. Makes sense to me.”
“Where’d
you read that?”
“An
article about Heidegger. Martin Heidegger. There’s a uh new book coming about him or
something. Maybe a new translation.”
“I've heard of him. Wasn’t
he a Nazi?”
“He
supported the Nationalist Party way back when, but that’s beside the point.”
“So he was a Nazi."
"Sort of."
"Whatever. So... Yyou are what you do, huh? Sounds American, not German. Didn’t Batman say that in the Dark Knight? Or was it Batman begins? Wait… it was Rachael. She sorta scolded him with it. But uh yeah if it’s true… I um guess that makes you raising broad questions.”
"Sort of."
"Whatever. So... Yyou are what you do, huh? Sounds American, not German. Didn’t Batman say that in the Dark Knight? Or was it Batman begins? Wait… it was Rachael. She sorta scolded him with it. But uh yeah if it’s true… I um guess that makes you raising broad questions.”
“Um,
no. There’s—”
“Sounds
Native American. Raises Broad Questions. And I'm Has Trouble Answering Broad Questions.”
[Trees
rustling.]
“...Okay.
As I was saying… there’s more to it of course than what you’re doing at the
moment the question was
asked. Is asked.”
“So,
what is it? Like everything you’ve done? Ever? That’s who you are?”
“That’s
what I think he was saying. Said.”
“Weak.”
“Less
weak than being ‘Ted’.”
“Well
I’m sorry if I didn’t have it all formulated going into it. You definitely
caught me off guard. It’s a tough question.
It’s not like I haven’t given it any thought. It seems like the kind of
question that’s gonna take more than a sentence or two. To be fair.”
“Yeah.”
[Soda
slurping]
“I
disagree, though, with the idea of the definition, that you are what you do.”
“Why?”
“Because
it’s uh arbitrary. Like names are. The name thing was a joke, by the way. Of
course I’m not just Ted and you’re not just raising questions and all the other
acts you’ve done… They aren’t irrelevant, just inadequate.”
[Dog
barking. Owner scolding.]
“Arbitrary?
Aren’t all definitions arbitrary kinda by definition? I mean, they’re all
line-drawing? That’s what they
do. They distinguish something from its surroundings. Outline it. Set it apart.
I don’t think that’s reason to stop defining, though.”
“Yeah
but it doesn’t have to be arbitrary. Sometimes it fits. I don't mean fitting,
but uh…well, yeah, fitting’s fine I guess. Because some things are simple and
definitions can outline simple stuff.”
“So a
person’s identity is complex. Does that mean we can’t describe it? Plenty is
complex.”
“You
didn’t say ‘describe’. You asked me who I was.
That’s like all of me, right? That’s going to take more than a description.
Height, weight, and hair color is a description. Who I am is like that and a
whole bunch of other stuff, like all these roles I have and where I’ve been and
where I’d like to go and on and on.”
“Well,
I don’t see it’s any more arbitrary than any other definition. That’s how we
think. Definitions make stuff intelligible. They’re like the raw materials we
build with.”
“It’s
all um behaviorist, don’t you think? What he's saying. Actions—what you do—are done out there in
the world right? so your identity is in large part public or could be public,
visible. Doesn’t that strike you as a little… reductive?”
[Metal
scraping. Child’s crying. Mother reassuring.]
“Poor
girl.”
“Yeah,
she’s gonna have some scabs after that. At least she’s got a helmet.”
“Yeah.
Moms like those.”
“Reductive
you were saying…”
“Right.
That doesn’t take into account the private goings-on. I mean, that’s a big part
of it, who you are. What’s not seen or acted on at all, directly, what’s just
inside you. Not like secrets or something, I mean like everything that goes
unseen and unsaid… It’s not like you’re ‘doing’ any of those things and yet
they are you or uh a part of you.”
“Eh. Maybe. I don’t know. What you do is like what you’re most invested in. You actually
making it happen, as in like bringing it into existence. Every action is basically
creative. That’s a big deal, creating. So a by-product of all of this creating
is you make yourself, too. And I don’t think Heidegger was pushing for something
explicit, like formulated into some sort of all-encompassing proposition. But private goings-on… those are actions, too, so they’d be included.”
“They
aren’t all actions, what’s internal. Some of them are like um states or modes.
Like a mood. A mood isn’t an action. You don’t ‘do’ happy or sad or pissed or
whatever. Those have still got to be a part of you though. So you’re—we
are—actions and states...at least”
“I
think we’re—”
“And
bodies, too. We are embodied and we don’t ‘do’ our bodies. At least I don’t. Maybe that's your thing.”
“Har
har. Stay on topic.”
“Well
I've just given you at least two significant things, truths, that ‘you are what you do’ doesn’t
take into account.”
“We’ve got a bunch of uninteresting ‘truths’ or ‘facts’ about us, too. You want those in
your definition? You want to include the brand of shoes you wore in fifth grade
or the um number of teeth you’ve had pulled? Come on. To include anything that
could be predicated of you for your whole life is a uh bit silly, don’t you
think?”
“No.
Being is rich, Rob. As in to be, to exist. God that word sounds awful when you say it like that, abstractly. Being. But whatever. I’m not ready to take a machete to it for the sake of
discussion.”
“Hmph.”
[Birds
chirping]
“Well,
I think Heidegger was talking about something more fundamental than what
you’re getting at. Essence,
ya know? The deep stuff. Like the basic ontologically stuff that everything else cakes on top
of. I hear what you’re saying, but uh… you’re kinda forfeiting the game.”
“What
game is that?”
“The
game of making sense of the world and life. The game of flexing your brain. The
whole philosophical enterprise.”
[Snickering]
“That’s a bit of an overstatement.”
“No,
Ted, I don’t think it is. I mean, to admit that personal identity is unknowable,
not just unknown, but totally unknowable because the list would be too long or
something—which is what you’ve been saying, right?—where does that sort
of thinking end? I can’t imagine it’s limited to this one question.”
“I
didn’t say it was unknowable. Just not that easy. It requires more subtlety.”
“Subtlety.
Okay. So if I give you, what? a week? You’ll have a contrary formulation, some
other proposition to state who we are?”
“Well
shit, Rob. I don’t have a timetable for you. I don’t know if I’d ever be up to
the task. I’m not sure I’m that smart.”
“Just
smart enough to be a critic.”
“Jeez I
had no idea I’d burst such a bubble being honest.”
“Yeah…well…
You have to admit it’s an important issue, seriously crucial. I sure as hell
would like to know and… Forget it.”
[Trees
rustling]
[Soda
slurping]
Playground
[Metallic
creaking]
“Higher!”
[Cloth
fluttering]
“Higher,
daddy! Higher!”
[Metallic
creaking]
“If I
push you any higher, you’re going to flip over the bar, crazy girl.”
[Giggling]
“I don’t care! Higher! Higher!”
***
[Pebbles
pattering]
“Woah!”
[Thud]
“I
think I’m gonna be sick.”
“I want
off! Let me off!”
[Children
laughing]
[Pebbles
pattering]
“Faster!
Faster!”
“Stop
it! I want to get off!”
“Aaaaaaaheeeee!”
[Thud]
“Faster!”
[Pebbles
pattering]
Paved
trail
“Hello?
Can you hear me? Cheryl? Yeah I’m sorry I’m not good with this earpiece thing
yet. Hello?”
[Wheels
grinding]
“Okay.
Good. I swear this is like only the second time I’ve used it. I’ve had it for
like a year. I always forget about it. But yes, where were we? Oh. Yes. I’ve been okay. Maddie’s been a
little cranky today. I thought I’d get out and take her for a walk.”
[Wheels
grinding]
“Oh
yeah. Really nice out. Gorgeous. Have to enjoy it while it lasts. I think the weatherman
said it would rain tomorrow morning.”
[Wheels
grinding]
“Um… not
much. I uh had some time for myself on Tuesday. Greg was sweet and took a
half-day just ‘cause. He took Maddie to the zoo. It was great. I hadn’t been alone in months it seems like.”
[Woman
sneezing.]
“Bleh.
Excuse me. Spring has sprung I guess. I can see the pollen right now. What’d you say, though?”
[Wheels
grinding]
“Oh, nothing
big. I went to this bookshop down the street. I browsed a little but I couldn’t
get into anything, you know? I just sat down in this big cushy armchair and
kinda watched people go by. I zoned out. Do you ever do that, like just
kinda… float?”
[Children
laughing distantly]
“I just
stared out the storefront windows and like lost it. It sorta scared me, my lack
of uh interest. I didn’t cry or anything but I was so exhausted. I had a hard
time getting up. I wanted to go home but I didn’t at the same time. I don’t
know.”
[Child’s
babbling]
“Yes. That’s
a squirrel, Maddie. Skwir-rul. Skwir-rul.”
[Wheels
griding]
“No, no, Cheryl. I’m fine. Nothing major. Things with Greg have been a little uh… lifeless? lately. Maybe it’s just me, though. I don’t know. He seems fine. It’s just like kinda like an
office or something at home. Like a workplace atmosphere I think. We kinda go
through the motions and exchange pleasantries, ‘Mornin’ Sam.’ ‘Mornin’ Frank.’
water-cooler type stuff, but we like don’t really talk anymore. Not like we used to—which is okay, I mean, it happens. But it’s like
everything’s been said, I don’t even know what I could offer at this point
really. I mostly hang out with Maddie. I feel like I’m regressing back to toddlerhood. I'm good with my colors and ABCs. But yes, we don’t
really talk and now we kinda just have to do now, like there’s nothing left to say so we just run these laps
every day. But listen to me. I’m just very tired and overly—”
[Birds
chirping]
“What?
No. I don’t know. A few weeks. A month, tops.”
***
“So.”
[Shoe
scuffing]
“Do you
have any brothers or sisters?”
“Yeah.
I’ve got a younger brother. He’s twelve.”
“That’s
nice... Do you two get along?”
“Sorta
but he’s weird. What about you?”
“Nope.
I’m an only child.”
“Lucky.”
“I
guess.”
[Trees
rustling]
“It’s
not all that lucky.”
“How’s
that? I’d think it’d be the best. Because like you don’t have to watch anybody whenever your
parents want to go out. That’s a total drain. Plus like when I’m around the
house I’m like bothered all the freakin’ time. But I can’t go out whenever I
want to because of Donny—my brother’s Donny. So that sucks. And my brother’s into this like
fantasy video game type thing, not just in to but
like absolutely um absorbed, like united with it. He’s like nuts about it. All
of his friends run home from school and play it together online, you know, in
their own rooms, and like scream at each other into these headset things. Looks totally goofy. Every
day he throws a total fit about only getting like three hours to play it every
day, which they don’t keep track of at all, BTW. It’s a big hassle because he’s
either screaming about the game or screaming about not being able to play the
game. Plus he does this super annoying thing where he like doesn’t flush the
toilet. Seriously ever. We share a bathroom and the kid never flushes the
freakin’ toilet. He’s twelve. He knows it drives me bananas. But he’s in such a
rush to get back to the game because there’s apparently no like ‘pause’ or
anything and whenever you’re away people can come up to you and beat you or
take your points or magic potion or whatever it is they take. He’s a constant
headache around the house. We share the bathroom and I don’t even go in there
anymore. I use my parents’, which they aren’t too happy about of course because
you know, it’s theirs or whatever and ‘I’ve got my own’, which I don’t though
really because mine is full of little brother mess.”
“Wow.
That stinks.”
“Yeah.”
[Trees
rustling]
“I
guess when you put it that way its got its drawbacks. But it keeps things
interesting, you know. Never a dull moment at least.”
“Um no. I’d
rather have a dull moment or two. It’s a real hassle.”
“I’ve
had plenty of dull moments. They’re nothing to like about ’em. I bet your brother
loves you and I bet you help keep him in line like a big sister does. That’s a
good thing to do. I just sit in a dark room on a computer listening to music
and wishing something would happen.”
“Aw.
Well, hey, something did happen!”
“Huh?”
“You’re
at the park with me. Duh.”
“Oh.
Yeah. That’s something all right.”
“I’m
glad we’re at the park.”
“Yeah
me too.”
[Distant
yelling]
“I’m
sorta surprised I asked you.”
“Why’s
that?”
“I
don’t know. I’ve never done that before. I’m shy.”
“That’s
sweet.”
“Thanks
for coming.”
“You don’t have to
thank me for that.”
“Oh.
Yeah.”
[Dog
barking]
