Immersion

The living room bursts into sight with a flick of a switch. Home. A saggy old striped couch. Papers on the coffee table. Mismatched kitchen chairs. My footsteps on the linoleum. Keys drop on the kitchen counter. My wallet goes beside them. I unfurl my scarf, drape it over the back of one of the chairs. My jacket goes over it. The mail can wait. It can always wait. Just ads and solicitations. Envelops stuffed with crappy 10% Off coupons. How can the paper and postage costs not force the enterprise to be a net loss?

Bob and Cathy are home. They're walking above me. Thuds and creaks from their elaborate paths seep through the ceiling, getting nearer or farther away. Voices are muffled like being spoken through a pillow. My iPod awakes and I set it on random. I turn the speaker's volume dial to a spot where the Smiths' footsteps won't annoy me.

My butt settles into its custom-made divot. The laptop snoozes beside the couch like a trusty retriever.  Man's new best friend. Its standby LED softly pulsing delta waves. In raising it to my level, the case's plastic gives slightly between my fingers. I set it down, crack open the lid, enter my password, and begin.

A Saudi prince is caught in a compromising position. Position here is literal. He tore the seat of his pants reaching for a dropped note card at a charitable gala. A spokesperson for the royal family reminds the press princes are human, too. The Senate passes an ethics bill along party lines, 51-47. The President promises a veto if it passes the House. Nine are killed and thirteen injured in an explosion at an Alabama baking facility. Inadequate ventilation and flour dust are the presumed causes of the blast. A candlelight vigil is planned tonight in the plant's north parking lot from 8:00-10:00p. An ad for a Capital One credit card devours the page. The Close button is hard to locate as a giant mouth opens and shuts, streaking across the site, presumably taking bites but not actually altering the screen behind the superimposed animation. Impossible to click any part of the screen not considered the ad. Powerless frustration wells. Finally, the thing recedes into the cage of its banner. Five Surprisingly Healthy Fast-Food Options. A Fashion Trend You Won't Believe. Two new emails. Dairy Queen introduces a new Banana-Fudge Blizzard You'll Go Ape Over! Macy's Four Hour Home Goods Sale Starts Tomorrow at 8 a.m. Save 40% on Interior Lighting. I check the boxes directly to the left of both. The rows are highlighted in bright blue then disappear as I click delete. At the top of the list now is the unresolved matter of tonight. The MirrorCats—whoever they are—are playing at Earl's World Famous at 9. $15 at the door. It doesn’t warrant a response. He'll figure it out.

A song comes on that puts me in a better mood. A peppy, light-hearted beat and simple guitar melody. Scratchy vocals. Apparently the bill was originally designed to limit lobbyist access to certain interior areas of the Capital building. Bipartisan support proved hard to come by in this lame duck session. Last minute horse trading so altered the verification process that, to be admitted, one simply needed to deny the occupation of 'lobbyist' upon the standard credential check performed by Capitol Hill Police. Sonic's Super Sitrus Side Salad has only 440 calories. KFC's Twisted Chicken Salad Lettuce Wrap has only 475 calories without the Colonel's Spicy Southern Mayo. Iran threatens to shutter half of its oil refineries in retaliation to sanctions imposed the international community over its intransigent nuclear program. Economists anticipate at 8-12% spike in crude prices as early as midweek. Alex Myrangos of Moody's predicts the rise could undermine the budding but vulnerable recovery seen in Q4. State investigators unearth falsified loan documents in an Ohio Credit Union scandal. A missing twelve year old girl's shoe was found in an Indiana forest. Authorities are not optimistic about her chance of survival. Sheriff Bill James says the harsh weather the past week has been hampering rescue efforts. The Ravens edge the Patriots in a Monday Night Classic, 24-21. Researchers report a link between exposure to the florescent light spectrum and depression in lab mice. Findings to be published in the upcoming edition of The American Journal of Psychiatry document mice kept in florescent environments were more stationary and experienced disproportionate weight gain when compared against the control group. More testing is needed to isolate the correlation between specific wavelengths and eating patterns. A related AP video shows a shadowless mouse huddled in a corner gnawing on kibble and a mouse yellower from sunlight romping around a diminutive obstacle course. Dutch scientists hypothesize elephants evolved trunks to drink from subterranean cisterns common during an African drought two-hundred to one-hundred thousand years ago. Dr. Willem Vanderhoven credits an unrelated geological study as the inspiration for his theory. In a paper published last September in the Journal of Geological Research, sediment samples revealed the continental water table receded drastically following an as yet unknown climactic event. 

33 tonight. 49 tomorrow with a slight chance of PM showers and an overnight low of 28. 51 Sunday, cloudy. The mayor proposes a 15% cut to the Parks budget in light of decreased revenues. One council member, when reached for comment, described the proposal as "draconian." A state Senator denies impropriety regarding his unprecedentedly high travel expenditures. The five chartered flights to Southern California in six months, Senator Tisdale insists, were in the people of Illinois' interest. Opposition leaders push for an independent investigation. A puppy was rescued from a bus's wheel well at a local school district's bus yard. Mechanic Thomas "Buzz" Benoit says he came across the lab-mix just prior to moving the vehicle into the wash bay. No word yet on how the canine became wedged in the wheel to begin with. He is safe, healthy, and up for adoption. Contact the Tri-County ASPCA and ask about Buster for more details. This story is one of today's Most Commented. 62 comments and counting. Approximately half indicting the neglectful and unknown owner and half griping this was a poor use of city resources and not news in the slightest. Three were links posted by an allegedly curious young women wondering what I think of her pics. A 26 year-old woman is in critical condition at St. Clement's Medical Center after being struck in the head by an icicle jogging Wednesday morning. Doctors say she is in critical but stable condition and are concerned about intracranial swelling. No negligence charges or public endangerment fines are pending against the owner of the property. Landlord Nick Sulinino called the incident a "fluke" and claims the building's gutters were cleaned the previous May. A witness approximated the icicle to be over a foot in length but admitted it was hard to tell because it broke into so many pieces after it hit her. Intracranial swelling can ruin pretty much any mental capacity judging from the list at WebMD. Speech, motor skills, vision, hearing. Removal of portions of the skull is a common method to mitigate damage. This gives the brain space to expand into instead of bruising itself against the cavity wall. Surgeons generally cut out rectangles judging from an image search. This choice seems to be from aesthetic rather than medical reasons. How do you reattach skull? Glue? Staples? Does the hair from the removed section grow back? hair AND skull. (hair growth) AND (removed skull). (removed skull) AND hair AND growth NOT products. Nothing really relevant comes up on Google.

I drum my fingers on the surface below the keys. A bass solo riles up the crowd in a live track. Am I hungry?

17 Notifications on Facebook. Busy day. Many links posted. People are happy it's Friday. Angela Hillard has the best boyfriend in the entire world! Dave Brogun is off to K-Town. Rob Timmens ate a cold burrito for lunch. Steve Cochran just saw a cop that looked exactly like that one cop from that old show CHiPs. A picture of a calico cat wearing readers is well-liked. Eric Mangin is looking for Natty Light @ Walmart in Bellevue. Nate Zizek listened to M.I.A. Natalie Kincaid shared my link about the smallest chameleon species ever discovered. They are native to Madagascar. Adults can comfortably perch on match heads. Sally O'Brien was tagged in a picture with Ellen Hatterfeld. They've been drinking. Red Solo cup in Ellen's hand. Sally looks beautiful. She's wearing one of those scarfs with the fringed edges bunched up around her neck. Aqua, cyan, and salmon. Her cheeks are perfectly pink, smooth like flower petals. I want to feel them for myself. We're friends. Bio 101, freshman year. A line of women, flushed and smiling big. The top of some girl's head with a different girl doubled over her, laughing, Ellen in the background talking to some guy with red eyes and gelled hair. spilling drinks @ The Indigo Room. Her underlined name takes me to her Timeline. So much activity. Lots of love u's, your the bests, and missing ya girlie hit me up when you're back in towns. Lots of flattery and innuendo from males. She is saturated. Photos are the third link down on the left. A seemingly endless conveyor belt of pictures. Four wide, making a life scrollable in reverse. Her features softening, hair shortening, fashion immaturing. And the men, always hanging on, leaning in, slightly bearded, stay the same disturbing age until high school and then they're gone. Her friends are girls with braces and magic markered T-shirts—the Powder Puff team. Up higher again, a Spring Break trip to Mexico. The beach's dress code. Captured mid-leap before the ocean, stomach taught and feet kicked back. All smiles and wet hair. Sunning. Wavy filaments broken free of the constricting ponytail. Supine on a beach lounge chair. Sunglassed. Positively glistening. Margaritas and blushing at night. Thatched walls, stuffed parrots, and glowing neon Corona signs. Purple sarongs. Tiny paper umbrellas. Cups full of Windex blue hurricanes and Starburst red daiquiris. Full and empty. Becoming more disheveled with every click. A flipbook of sweating and suggestive dance moves. Who else is looking at you now?

5:47. Dinner time. Thirty minutes for a pizza. Two for cereal. Is that Italian finished? I check my bank account. Automatic deposit puts checking at $1,709.36. $832.99 due on the card by the fifth. I have to do something about that car. I'm bleeding money. What's new on Hulu streaming? The thumbnails tell the story. No title necessary. Thumbnails are enough. Simple font and photographs suffice. Understatement is the way. Not whoring for my attention. Visual confidence and composure, not desperate or populist. This requires milliseconds, the judgment. Nothing really in the first fifteen results. That new Eastwood movie releases next Tuesday. On to TV episodes. A cartoon on the second page. 4.7 out of 5 stars according to 12,833 reviewers.

While it's loading, I turn the music off and get a bowl down from the cabinet. Old yellow ceramic from my parents' house, marred with dark trails, the trails of forcefully excavated food. Concentrated around the circle at the bottom. The commercial is intermittently audible over the jangle of silverware and clatter of Lucky Charms. A Chevy something or other proving for once you don't have to compromise looks for money. The next generation in style. The show's theme song begins and I rush the milk. Careening around the corner, my meal rocks preciously near the bowl's lip. I take my seat, hold the bowl up in one hand, and maneuver the laptop onto my propped up quads. My volume wheel has no limits. It spins and spins in either direction. I finger it until I'm convinced the tinny speakers are maxed out. My crunching won't pose a threat to hearing. Full-screen is grainy and choppy. Normal size has advertisements and links to other episodes. Full-screen it is. I watch and chew, listen and swallow, spoon and chew. Thirty seconds in, I'm bored. It's just not that funny. Racial insensitivity. Belches. A Plan and its Unraveling. Stupidity enacted. Miscommunication. Threats of dismemberment. Baleful apologies. Chainsaws. Fountainous gore. Generalized absurdity. Midway through the second commercial break, I open a new tab to check my email. No new messages. An old unopened one from Snapfish is deleted. Who needs 50 Free Prints? My pictures are on my phone.

The previous November was the hottest on record globally. Environmentalists claim it as yet more proof of climate change. Dr. Alvin Pounds, a professor of meteorology at UC Berkley, stresses short-term trends are insufficient data from which to draw such conclusions. Honda has two of the Top 10 Best Cars in 2012. Of course I cannot afford either. Why do they always test drive cars with so many extras? Home mortgages are being sold in a rectangular advertisement on the right. A cartoon of a black woman, in front of a chalkboard, wearing a mask reminiscent of Robin's or the Hamburglar's, a graduation cap, and either lavender superhero gloves or tall dish washing gloves. Her head is wobbling unnaturally, pivoting on an impossible hinge. Her left arm waving a pointer at dollar signs on the board behind her. She's showing her teeth, smiling. Prices and percentage rates along the bottom; How much can YOU save? along the top. Attention gotten but only for a few seconds. I exit out the show while keeping the other tab open. Daring Robbers Get Less Than They Bargained For. $77. Security cameras outside a Scottsdale ATM captured the scene as a late model Dodge Ram slammed into the machine at 25-30 MPH, knocking it off its moorings. Three men hulked the busted machine into the truck bed and sped off. Nikki Renich, a teller for MidFirst Bank, stated in an interview the machines never contain more than $1,000 and are replenished every morning by an armored car. The Wednesday before had been busy with last minute withdrawals in anticipation of Valentine's Day.

Racy Billboard Spawns Controversy. A lot of leg does not strike me as controversial. Miss Teen USA Wows in a Black Silk Dress. She pursed her lips at an undisclosed opening or reception of some sort. Her sleeveless gown is split, front and back, with Vs terminating just above navel height. 1 of 62. 2 through 6 are her looking over her shoulder, standing with hand on hip, pouting with left foot forward and then pouting with right foot forward. Next are other women, trying equally hard. Men, not trying at all. Black suits. One sporting tennis shoes with the pants tucked behind the sky blue tongues. All appearing vaguely familiar, standing solitary, looking at middle distance above the lenses. Jewels reflect the flashes. Filtered white orbs in ear lobes. My bladder nags at me. 

I remove the laptop and put the bowl on the coffee table. The milk is gray from the mixture of marshmallow dye. Light in the hallway. Light in the bathroom. Lid lifted and ready. My phone buzzes twice and I spray the rim with surprise. Finished and zipped back up, I slide the phone up my jean's pocket. 1 New Message from: 3142891123: u comin? Reply: no. I flush.

The iPod responds to my tap. Skip. Skip. Okay. Where was I? I was going to look something up. What was it?

Two new notifications. Eddie Kirschbaum commented on Scott Becker's status, saying he didn't think it was worth all the hype. Jason Neuman posted a video of a grape creating a plume of plasma in a microwave. The sound it makes is like an arc flash but deeper, a buzz with bass. The cameraman is clearly visible in the door's glass's reflection. A thirtysomething man with a goatee. bomberman295. A CD is set to 1:00 on High in a recommended video. The view obscured by the mesh inside all such door-windows. A web of blue light blossoming quickly into life. Black trails left behind on the mirrored surface, feathered like a broken windshield. Plastic bending and contracting into itself. Combustion. Smoke. Microwaved Cat is darkly tempting. 256,093 views. Eggs will blow the door open if given enough time. Bananas split, brown, and mostly ooze. A southern accent in a kitchen narrates. Tattoo on the wrist. Could be Gaelic. Is it his own kitchen appliance he's ruining? There's a whole series of microwaved items titled Is It A Good Idea to Microwave This? Bar of soap features the best results out of bar of soap, aluminum can, and motherboard. Think frag grenade.

Craigslist found 687 Honda Civics in the past month. Even the ones with more than 100,000 miles are more than $5,000. runs good. newish tires. Serious offers only. People give away a lot of ugly sofas for free. A cat scratch post, twelve cinder blocks, firewood, a 50's era fridge with one of those bottle openers mounted on the side, a set of Space Jam collectible cups from McDonalds, a white metal futon frame, particle board bookshelves with minor water damage, a 27" tube television without remote. Keys rattle from behind the door. The deadbolt retracts. The doorknob turns. I shut the lid and set the laptop aside. When she enters, I'm staring into the dark kitchen for no reason.

"You're home early," I say flatly.

"Yeah. Slow night. Steve cut me early." She's slings her purse on the chair that wobbles and turns on the light. She retrieves her phone from its inner-purse pocket.

"Oh."

She thumbs intensely for a few seconds, Snoop Dogg providing the soundtrack at the moment. She asks without looking up what I've been up to from the kitchen.

"Nothing," I reply as I reach for the computer.