Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Overheard at a Hotel

Lobby

“Don't you have a bellhop?”

“No ma’am. I don’t believe we do.”

“Believe? What do you mean believe? Either you do or you don’t. Ugh... Isn’t there anyone here who can help me with my bags?”

“Where’s your husband?”
***

“Look. I'm sorry but I’m going to be a little late to the meeting.”

[Silence]

“Yes. I know. I know it’s a very important meeting.”

[Silence]

“A half-an-hour, tops.”

[Silence]

“There’s nothing I can do about it! It wasn’t my fault. I was on time. Hell, I was early! Tell them about the weather. They have to understand. I’m sure they’ve been on a plane once or twice. Okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

[Silence]

“Look, I need—I need to go. I’ll call you when I’m close. You can stall them. Just tell them about the storm. I'm sure it's on the news.”
***

“Wow!”

“Look at that huge lamp, mom!”

“It’s called a chandelier, honey.”

“Chandleer.”

“Yes. Those used be to lit with candles. Can you imagine?”

“How’d they light them?”

“Hm. I haven’t a clue.”
Staff Lounge

“Phew! Sure is hot out there.”

“Yep. It’s a hot one. Bank says it's 95 degrees.”
 

"Damn."


"Yeah."

“D’ya hear ‘bout that guy who crashed his car into that jewelry store down on twenty-second?”

“Yeah. Dumb bastard smashed his car up so bad he couldn’t make a getaway. Got 'em right there a block north.”

“People are gettin’ bolder and bolder.”

“Yeah. Crazy times.”

“No joke.”

“If I was goin’ to rob a jewelry store, I wouldn’t do it in a… what was it? a Kia?”

“Hyundai I think.”

“I wouldn’t go bashing my Hyundai into a storefront. My boy Max’s got toys with more metal in ‘em.”

“That’s the way the world’s goin’. Cheaper and cheaper. Made in China and all plastic.”

“And still nobody can keep up. People gotta try robbin’ jewelry stores with Chinese cars.”

“That’s the truth.”

“But me, I’d do it in spring or maybe winter even. Too hot to do anything out there now. I might faint runnin’ away this time of year, heh heh.”

“You said it.”
Bar

“We were sitting in her car. The silence. It was awful. I was staring out of the windshield at this streetlamp, blurring my vision... trying to see those circles you see around lights. I remember it perfect. She was looking down, probably at the shifter or something. What could I say, though? I didn't want to say anything. I just spent an hour going back and forth with her. My throat was hurt from the yelling. I was done. Spent. Sometimes, you know, you talk so damn much you can't keep a thing straight anymore. [Gulp] I can't at least. There gets to be way too many like strands. Your emotions spin you all around and you're about to fall flat down. Anyways, that was it man. Game over. Finished.”

“That's rough, man. I don't get chicks sometimes. It's like, haven't you ever done anything wrong? Give it a rest and let a guy off the hook.”

[Gulp] “Seriously.” [Gulp]

“Yeah. I mean I don't go around startin' shit all the time, throwing a man's mistakes in their faces. That's messed up. And after everything you went through with her...[Sip] I mean, you coulda—shoulda—cut ties a long time before. Remember that thing with your checkbook? What the hell!”

“Really. Shit I forgot about that. So true. There’s just not enough slack being cut around here. I’m no prince, but I loved her as best I could. That’s not enough though sometimes… In the end, I guess. It’s like… Hell. [Gulp] I don’t know. I guess I probably deserved it. What can you do? Some people just won’t like accept you. I accepted her, you know, in time. I let things go eventually. She didn’t want to let it go, though. She clung to it. She liked having it around, the screw ups. It kept me pretty honest most of the time—her uh… memory, resentment. I’d think before I said anything, ‘Will this get me in trouble?’ I’d literally think those words. Will this get me in trouble? [Gulp] But, it didn’t fix it. There’d be a time where I wouldn’t think that, get caught off guard, like a reflex. It was like a reflex. You get poked and you turn and swat before you even know what happened. Before you can even think of what you should do, I mean, you just do it. Say some shit or whatever. Snap. It'll get a guy in trouble. Those are the times that undid us. And [Gulp] she wouldn’t let it go.”

“If she won’t let it go, man,  its like she can have you under her thumb. You know that. She wanted to own you. It’s for the best, Johnny. It really is.”

“I guess. [Gulp] I just hate how quickly she’s gonna be fine. And here I am. I mean, you have to admit she’s pretty.”

“It’s the pretty ones you can’t afford to get tangled up with. Just short of pretty, that's what you gotta find next. Trust me.”
***

“The closest? I don't know. I guess it was this one time. My “friends” and I—we weren’t really friends—were out way late one night, two a.m. or something. I was hanging back, like usual—I never liked destruction. It's not like I had
—haverespect for the law. That wasn't it. I just didn't like breaking other people's stuff for the fun of it. I didn’t think it was fun. It scared me. What if we get caught? A criminal record? But that’s what they wanted to do. And I was like 14, so you know. Two other guys were up in front of us, this other guy was back with me. The two up front, though, are starting to get like a bit riled up. You know how it goes. “No you won't.” “Yes I will.” “No way.” “I will!” So the one guy turns around and tells Tommy and I, “Start running.” Well, I'm already skiddish as it is. It was way past curfew and we looked suspicious as hell, one of us with a bat and everything. I don't ask any questions. I just start running in the opposite direction.”

“What happened?”

“I'm getting to that. Give me a minute. Anyway, I had to turn around and go back after a few houses.”

“Why?”

“Because Tommy couldn't run. He twisted his ankle in football practice earlier in the week. He was hobbling around. I don't know why he was even with us. I don't know why I was there. But whatever. He called after me, so I came back. I put my arm under his, hooked him like under his pit, and helped him pick up the pace. Then I hear this crash behind us. The sound of broken glass and this car alarm starts blaring. Tommy yells something like, “Oh crap!” and kind of laughs. My heart's pounding. The other two guys run past us. And then, no joke, this cruiser comes around the corner like a minute later. Less maybe.”

“No shit! What'd you do?”

“I about died on the spot. My heart was thumping and I like was filled with adrenaline. I literally drug Tommy probably thirty feet behind some bushes. We just squatted there. I was panting like crazy and looking through the branches and the cops rolled right on by.”

“You mean they didn't see you?”

“No. I don't think they even heard the alarm. Must’ve had the radio up loud.”

“That's not a close-call, dude.”
Restaurant

“She looks at me and completely, soberly expects me to do it. To get down on my knees and do it. Like I'm not wearing dress pants. Like it wasn't raining a half-an-hour ago. I was practically a grown man. That's little sisters for you, though.”

“So, did you do it?”

“Sure I did it. You should have seen her. Innocence incarnate. How can you say no to that? She'd have muddied up her princess dress if the table was turned and I'd asked her.”

“Did anyone see you?”

“How should I know? Probably. I don't care. She had a good laugh. My mom was pissed about the pants though when I came back in, till I told her why.”
***

“So. How’re things, Danny?”

“I can’t complain.”

“That's great. Great. I suppose I could complain, but what the use?”

“How’s the prime rib here?”

“Eh. Passable. On the fatty side if you ask me. I usually go for a plain old hamburger. The price is right.”

“Mhm.”

“Can I start you off with anything to drink? Coke, diet Coke, Sprite?”

“I'm salaried, so lunch's as long as I want it to be. [Quick Laugh] I’ll have a Budweiser.”

“And you?”

“Water’s fine.”

“I’ll bring those right out for you.”

“Water, huh? Watching your figure?”

“I drank too much, Tom. You know that. No more beer for me.”

“It’s all relative.”

“No.”

“Okay… So… uh…”

“One Bud and one water.”

“Thanks.”

“How long’s it been, Danny?” [Gulp]

“Four or five years at least. Since whenever Rittnors was.” [Sip]

“Damn. Where’s the time go?”

[Silence]

“Something wrong, Danny?”

“No. Nothing. I’m waiting on you to tell me why you called me up for lunch out of the blue.”

[Gulp] “Why? Does an old friend need a reason, heh?”

“Tom, cut the crap. I’m a busy man now. What’s the meaning of this?”
Elevator

[Mechanical hum]

“Eight please”

“Oh. Right.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

[Mechanical hum]

[Electrical ding]
Room 805

“I miss you, too, babe. I hate life on the road.”

[Silence]

“Oh. Fine. It’s been fine so far. I haven’t learned a thing I haven’t heard before, honest. The speakers avoid saying anything concrete. It's all hot air.”

[Silence]

“A few. I met this one guy from Peoria. We might be able to do a little uh… cross-pollination in the future. Nothing definite, though.”

[Silence]

“Oh, jeez. It was awful. The smallest, driest turkey sandwich you’ve ever eaten. It was like chewing through a new sponge. What about you? How was your day?”

[Silence]

“Good good. Welp, I oughta get going. Have a red-eye to catch in a few hours.”

[Silence]

“Uh-huh. Love you, too. See you soon…. Uh-huh… Bye bye.”
Elevator

[Mechanical hum]

“…hear me?”

[Mechanical hum]

“I said I’m in an elevator. Elevator. Look. I’ll call you back in a second.”

[Mechanical hum]

“Hello? I said I’ll call you back.”

[Electrical ding]
Room 1202

[Vacuum sounds]

“I don’t think I can do this much longer, Suzy.”

“Why d’ya say that? Something wrong?”

“Yeah. My back’s killing me all the time with all of this bending over. I’m not good for much by the time I get home. ”

“Do you have a heating pad?”
 

[Fluffing]

“Yeah, but there isn’t an extension cord long enough. I’ve got so much to do around the house still.”

“I know how that is.”

[Spraying]

“But more than that it’s people’s looks. Have you noticed? Not so much the guests. They hardly even look at you, unless you go knocking before they aren’t ready… But Doug and that one short guy at the front desk, the blonde one. They are so damn… smug.”

“Oh, Jane. Ya gotta toughen up.”

[Running water]

“What for? So I can stay here and let people think I’m a dumb mule?”

“What’re you gonna do otherwise?”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.”

[Flush]

“Jane. You can’t quit. You and Jeff need the money. Put it out of your mind.”

[Transition to Room 1203]

[Rustling]

“I know, I know. But that’s not all we need
moneyand I’m sore and I’m tired of giving myself up for a little paycheck and... a lot of grief. These people around here think that because you got your name sewn on your shirt they own you or are better than you or what not. I got to clean up a spilled bag of some jerk’s popcorn because he’s the boss and has other things to do… it drives me mad. Clean up after your damn self, ya know? I’m here to clean up customers’ messes, not his. And that’s not the half of it. You know them. That’s just the latest. It’s a whole bunch of things. [Pause] I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

“Jane. You’re young and you aren’t used to this. You’re still kinda new. But I’ve been at this since you were in elementary school and I know a thing or two about what it can do to ya, the aches and pains and everything else. You don’t see it now, but I’m telling you that’s pride talking in you and there’s nothing more dangerous than pride. It’ll ruin you because that’s what gives those people their power to hurt you. 'Cause you think you're better. [Pause] I don’t mean that in a mean way of course. I’m not trying to cross any lines, but it’s the truth and I haveta come out and say it. I'm you're friend.”

“Pride? I don't see it as that. More like self-respect. I won’t let people walk on me. I am better than that. There's nothing wrong with thinking so.”

“If you’d let that line of thinking go, you’d be a lot better off. Thinking you're better makes you feel nothing but worse when you do what we do.”

[Vacuum sounds]
Elevator

[Mechanical hum]

“In town for business?”

“What? Oh. Yes. A conference.”

“Sounds nice. I’m here to have a little fun. A little getaway.”

“Mhm.”

[Mechanical hum]

“Fifteenth floor, eh? Me, too.”

“Mhm.”

[Mechanical hum]

“I…uh. What room are you in? Maybe we could grab a drink latter or something. Just a bite to eat maybe. Have you been to the restaurant here? Good fries. You like fries?”

“Oh, no thank you. I’m fine.”

[Mechanical hum]

“You sure? Just a drink. No strings attached or anything.”

“No, no. Thank you, though.”

[Electrical ding]
Room 1504

“I can't put it into words, baby. You just make me so happy.”

“Aw, sweetie, you make me happy, too.”

“It's like that feeling you got when you were a kid and you were going to go on vacation. You know how you got all excited and ran around the house singing songs about it the night before? You are just… beside yourself in this child-like awe because where you’re headed is way better than where you are, like your house. That's how I feel leaving work to come see you. You should see me. I practically run to the car.”

“Aw, you're so great. I'm glad I make you happy. It's all I want to do.”

“Well you do a great job at it, baby.”

“Thanks, hun. You’re pretty good yourself.”

“I’m so glad you came. This is fun, isn’t it? A couple of jet-setters you and I. I told you it’d be a good time. It’s a neat town, so much to see. This place isn’t so hot but—“

“No, no. It’s fine. It’s a nice place. Any place with room service is a nice place.”

“If that’s all it takes, there’ll be plenty more nice places in your future.”

[Snicker]

[Kissing sounds]
 
Elevator

[Mechanical hum]

“Hot outside.”

“Yes it
 is.”

[Mechanical hum]

“Good day to take a dip.”

“That’s a good idea… maybe I’ll see you there later?”

“Maybe.”

[Electrical ding]

“My name’s Brad.”

“Eve.”

“Hope to see you there, Eve.”
Room 2216

[Zipping]

“Wait a minute. Just wait a minute
—hold—hold on, now. What’re you doing?”

“I’m leaving, Robert.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Just like that? Hold on a second.”


“I will not!”

“I said hold on a second! Can we
—let’s talk about this like adults, okay?”

“No! The time for talking is long gone.”

[Footsteps]

“Where are you going?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Like Hell it doesn’t! That’s my luggage you’re stuffing full there.”

[Laugh] “Don’t worry. I’ll ship it back to you as soon as I can!”

“That’s not what I… meant. I mean… Would you please just hold still? Please.”

[Zipping]

“What is this all about? Cut the drama, okay? Look… I—”

“I don’t want to hear it. Don’t say it. I don’t believe you.”

“I love you! Hey! Look at me. I love you love you love you! Okay? And it’s not my fault! How in the Hell was I supposed to know? Really. You take everything so damned personally. Aren’t I good to you? Would you just
I swear I don’t get you. I mean, this is unreal. Look at this! Look at what you’re doing. We just got here for Christ’s sake! We’ve got dinner reservations and tickets for the show tomorrow. Just stop. You've made your point, okay? I'm sorry. Let’s just try to have a nice time. Calm down! Would you please?”

“You should know I never loved you! Not for a minute! You were a phase. A transition! A little fling! I knew that from the start! I just used you!”

“Transition? Oh come on! Transition? Please. That how you want to play, huh? Transition! Well! 
That's all you're ever going to have! A series of transitions! And I have news for you: you're going to wake up one morning and the series is going to be complete. And you're going to have 30 or 40 miserable years to reflect on it! You aren't going to be a pretty face forever. That upper lip of yours is getting thinner and those eyes… they are starting to look a little weary. The make-up’s starting to flake around those lines baby! One of these days you’re gonna to jump and there’s gonna be nothing to land on.”

“At least I had a pretty face, you dog! I took pity on you. You're never gonna to get with anyone better. All you’ve got is little bit of money and an empty head. This was it: the one time you didn't have to pay anyone or keep your eyes closed! Remember it.”

“Paid! You should have paid me to put up with you! All the headaches and the phone calls…absolutely pathetic. [Laugh] You were awfully attached to a transition. I’m glad, ya know it? I’m glad it’s over! You’re more trouble than you’re worth!”

“And you’re worthless!”
[Door slam]

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