Saturday, February 27, 2010

Found and Lost

The fog was so thick it formed droplets upon colliding with Brandon Hayes's windshield. He was traveling through unfamiliar territory listening to familiar music. Cars swarmed around him like so many bees in a hive. The evening rush hour traffic had begun when an unusual event occurred.

Brandon spied a dark figure with a low profile galloping from right to left between the traffic. His brain soon registered the figure as a small dog. He imagined the animal being struck, it lying maimed and whimpering in the middle of the street. He imagined it struggling to move and then its life being dashed out by a second strike. Repulsed at the prospect, he abruptly threw his car into park. Exiting the car to the sound of horns and entering the mist, Brandon knelt to the height of the animal. He held his arms open wide as an invitation for the dog, which he now recognized as a 
black miniature Schnauzer. "Come on, boy!" he encouraged. The dog paused upon hearing the voice, looked towards its origin, changed course, and rushed towards him. A soaked and soiled red leash fluttered behind the dog. Brandon surged with joy at the sight. Upon scooping him up, Brandon lunged back into the car. The dog, as if understanding his role, crossed the console, sat elegantly upon the passenger seat, and looked forward. Brandon put the car in drive, accelerated, and considered what to do next. 

The windshield wipers smeared the view clean. Brandon was immediately convinced of the need to find the dog's owner. "It's okay, boy. You're safe now. You're fine. It's fine now," he reassured. His right hand stroked the dog's head and back while his left hand steered. The dog's soft, black hair was prickly with evidence of a recent grooming session. The green and cream bow around his neck above his collar guaranteed as much. Brandon merged left, turned left, made a u-turn, and went straight towards the nearest parking lot. At a stoplight, he looked at the dog's collar. The silver loop where the leash was attached was devoid of identification tags. Disheartened by the newly discovered difficulty in finding the owner, he concentrated on meeting him or her in person. Brandon wanted to see a frantic person looking onward towards the street, calling out for his lost pet. When he entered the lot, he found no such person. There were no cars that presented themselves as likely candidates for a dog's escape. Brandon's blood pressure rose slightly. He wondered what to do next. All the while, the dog gazed forward unaffected.
 

Brandon looked to the nearby businesses. A barber shop, a grocer, a cellular phone store: the strip of storefronts held no promise at first. Further along, wedged in between a sandwich shop and a video game retailer, shined a sign for gourmet pet treats. "There we go. Is that where you came from, little buddy?" In the recesses of his mind, Brandon felt ashamed for using nondescript language to refer to his guest. Neither knowing the dog's actual name nor wishing to court attachment by giving a new name, he had no other recourse.
 

The schnauzer shifted his weight in response to the deceleration of his transportation. The breaks gave a weary, dull squeal as they stopped the car within the weathered lines of a parking spot. Brandon took the cold, damp leash in his hand. "Come on, boy." On command, the dog left his seat and leaped out onto the pavement. Salty droplets left by the dog's coat converged on the cracked black leather behind him. The two traversed the parking lot. Mounds of grey-tan plowed snow along the curb looked as though peppercorns had been cracked over them.
 

An electronic tone sounded as the front door was pushed in. Brandon crossed the threshold after the dog, whose hardest tugging required the slightest tightening of Brandon's shoulder muscles. He advanced through the isles towards the cash register. The dog did not advance in such a determined fashion. The bouquet of baked goods filled the dog's tiny black nostrils. The stimulation excited him to the point of frenzy. His little black legs flickered about in response. He darted from table to table where the sundry items were woefully out of sight and reach. Dragging the tantalized dog behind him, Brandon addressed a woman behind the counter of the store.

"Hey, have you seen this dog before?"

The woman looked down with her brown eyes. She made a cooing sound towards the dog. "No. I can't say that I have." Disappointment welled within Brandon. She looked back up at him. "Why do you ask?"

Amused by the realization of the queerness of the question he asked, Brandon took to explaining with a smirk. "I just found him. He was crossing the road out there. Poor guy was going to be hit I think."

The woman moaned with empathy. She maneuvered around the barrier and dropped to the level of the dog. The Schnauzer rushed to meet the woman who was squeaking praise towards him. Her frizzy hair shimmied about her face as she complimented the dog on his distinguished appearance. "He must just have been groomed. This bow wouldn't have lasted long. I bet the owner is a woman. No guy would let his dog keep this frilly them on him, would he? Would he? No he wouldn't!" The dog was pleased by the intonation of her rhetorical questions.
 

The implications of the situation seeped into Brandon's thoughts. Once again, he wondered what to do next. As if on cue, the woman has a recommendation for him.

"There's a groomer just up the road. Let's give them a call. Maybe you escaped. Did you escape, huh?" After thumbing through the phone directory, she removed a cordless phone from its receiver. After seven more electronic tones, she placed the phone on her ear.
 

While waiting, Brandon took stock of the recent events. He was surprised at his reckless, impulsive behavior. He was not the type to court danger. He considered himself fortunate not to have caused an accident. The roads were slick with a mixture of water and trodden snow. The fog restricted visibility. More reckless than the act of stopping now seemed to be the assumption of responsibility at stooping down and calling to the dog. He was in no position to care for a dog. He still lived with his parents. His parents could hardly afford any more bills. There was an ordinance in his town against three or more dogs. It was unlikely a neighbor would report them, but, all the same, it was a possibility. He could not give the dog up, though. Brandon knew what happened to dogs that went to the pound. He stopped to save the dog's life in the first place, not to prolong it a few days.

He pushed the anxiety out of his mind by making a simple resolution. He would move out and care for the dog on his own if that was what it took. That was the proper thing to do. He imagined a future scene, opening the door after work and calling to the Schnauzer. A little creature would prance towards him. It would please Brandon to do what was right. He wanted or, rather, needed an excuse to move out and he inadvertently adopted one.

After dropping to one knee, Brandon took to showering the dog with affection. The dog accepted with pleasure. "Sit," commanded Brandon. The dog sat. "Good boy!" He rubbed the dogs back with both hands quickly. Another customer approached the two of them.

"What a good looking dog you have there. How old is he or she?" When Brandon looked up, he saw a woman with short blonde hair and a puffy violet jacket. Her face was framed with colorful collars on the wall behind her.
 

"I don't know how old he is. Not too old. A couple of years tops maybe. He's not mine, though. I just found him crossing the road."

The blonde woman's face became exaggeratedly despondent. "Oh, no! He could have been hit!"

"I know."

"Well bless your heart for helping. Poor little guy. Does he have any tags?"

"Nope."

"Oh no."

"What'll you do?"

Explaining his semi-formed intentions seemed futile. Brandon opted to lie, though not without reservations. "I'll put up a few signs and take him home in the meantime."

"Isn't that nice of you?" She looked to the dog and said, "You've got a real saint here," a jerked her head in Brandon's direction. She reached over and tousled the hair of the dog's goatee. Reestablishing eye contact with the young man, she wish him luck and retreated back to the aisle of organic dog foods.
 

The employee had been speaking to someone at the grooming business, but Brandon's divided attention prevented him from following the conversation.

"They said they hadn't taken care of a black miniature schnauzer lately." She paused. "And he doesn't have any tags?"
 

"Nope."

"I bet he's hungry. Are you hungry, little fella?" The dog's tail waggled. "Yes you are." The woman reached into the pocket of her apron which hung on her thick abdomen and withdrew a dog treat in the shape of a t-bone steak. "Here you go."

The dog ate the treat with obvious relish. "You are hungry." She fed him another treat. "Are you thirsty, too? Who knows how long you've been out there running around. I'll go get you some water."

Brandon looked around while the schnauzer sniffed the nearby bags of food. Magnets with breed specific icons underneath the letter 'i' and a red heart were on a nearby wall. Other pro-dog trinkets and knick-knacks were organized beneath the register. A stainless steel cover shone prominently further behind the counter where dog biscuits with whole oats and flax-seeds were baked. Brandon thought he would not be willing to taint his surroundings with such decorations or be able to spoil the dog with such treats.

The woman returned with a white plastic bowl full of water. The dog raised upon its back legs upon seeing the bowl. "Well look at you! You are thirsty." Once placed on the ground, the dog lapped up the water in a sloppy flash. "You know, sometimes people put a microchip in their dogs that vets and shelters can scan. Maybe he has a chip in him."
 


The prospect of an adventure pleased Brandon. "Where's the nearest vet?"

After taking down directions on the back of a store coupon, Brandon thanked the woman for her help and kindness. "Let's go." With a little tug, the dog accompanied his caretaker back through the store. The same tone sounded upon their exit.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Miser

Rebecca watched the remnants of the hummus harden with age in a white plastic bowl. Todd watched the last of the carbonation bubbles slip into the bottom of the two empty pilsner glasses on the coffee table. A faint scent hung in the air from repeated use of incense in the apartment, a blend of spices and cardboard. A pronounced taste of garlic draped on the tongues of old friends as they sat at opposite ends of an uncomfortable futon couch.

"Do you think an artist needs an audience to be an artist?" Todd asked with a hand supporting his leaning head.

"I guess so. If you don't have an audience, you're more of a... hobbyist. Right? A hobby is something you do for fun in your basement or something. Like where there's no audience." Rebecca responded with lips lightly coated with chapstick.
 

"Mm. I sorta hope it doesn't. That would be a bum deal for a lot of talented people." Todd scratched his stubbled chin. "'Hobbyist' doesn't carry the same oompf as 'artist'." He pulled down on the tattered cuffs of his khaki pants.
 

Rebecca following the motion of Todd's hands and looked towards his black shoes. She thought black socks looked funny next to tan pants. "Don't artists want to be seen or heard or whatever? Seems kinda worthless otherwise. What's the point of making art and not changing lives by it? I'm not being able to be like seen is one thing, but not even trying..."

"I just figured artists wanted to make art."
 

"And if no one sees or hears it?"

Todd shifted his weight further onto his left buttock and rested more heavily on the dark green back of the futon. "So what? It's still there. I mean, it still exists. That's what's important." He looked past her towards the kitchen. A series of fading Polaroid pictures lined the frame of the passage way. His gaze traced them up, over, and down. He could only make out splotches of color. In one, he thought he saw a chocolate Labrador, sitting, looking up at the camera. He was growing frustrated at his friend's opposition. He thought she understood him better. "This is just like the tree in the forest thing. Just because no one is around to hear it doesn't mean it doesn't make a sound, right? Of course it makes a sound still. To ask the question of like does it or doesn't is a uh ploy to get you thinking about things happening or being there beyond you. But still, the answer is really clear cut, though, cleverness aside. It makes a sound."

"But what do sounds matter if they're never heard by anyone? That's what the koan is getting at, right? Think about it. An asteroid slams into the surface of like Mars and big whoop. Who cares? It sure makes a sound, but the sound is kind of in vain or something. Sound is for ears. Sound without ears is useless."
 


The corners of Todd's lips dipped slightly. He thought 'useless' was a telling choice of words. He shook his head in denial. "That doesn't mean there wasn't a sound. Utility changes nothing about facts. Facts are facts and that's what we're talking about here, right?" He looked at Rebecca who was looking to the right of his face.


Through the living room window, the setting sun cast an orange tint onto Todd. Rebecca was becoming uncomfortable with the tone of the conversation. She stared out of the window to see the adjoining building. Air conditioners, satellite dishes, and hung laundry interrupted the otherwise pleasant scene. A cat stirred on a second floor sill. Its tail flicked into the cream half-drawn blinds and set them fluttering.

"What if an artist can't get the attention of his audience? What if they're too busy? 
What if they have headphones on or something? Are busy looking at their cell phones? What if all the people within earshot are uh. What's the word? There's a word for it I know... Nonplussed."

"Well, at least she's trying to make it public like I said. She's closer to being an artist because she's trying. I mean, who makes something and thinks it's really pretty and sounds great or whatever and then doesn't want put it out there? That what you're talking about, right? Not putting it out there?" The cat left the sill altogether. Rebecca returned to her friend's face.

"That's non-sense. She's not closer. She's already there. She's making art."

Noticing Todd's face begin to redden, Rebecca cut to the chase. "You're getting flushed. What's your angle?"

"Mm. Well I suppose I'm looking for a little reassurance," Todd admitted bashfully.

"You're taking a roundabout way of getting there."

"If I said it right out then you'd be likely to just build me up just because you're nice."

"No. Because I'm your friend."

"Right but same difference. And that's not what I'm after. I'd like to be reassured by like the truth, not somebody's pity." Todd paused. He ran his fingers across the wrinkles of his pant leg. "Even a nice friend's pity."

"Fine. Then make your case and I'll pretend I'm a judge and don't know you." She sat up. Her hair whisked behind her neck and a finger of her bangs settled over her right eye. After brushing it into place, she shut her eyelids.

"I keep thinking about this guy I once read about. He worked some menial job all of his life. He was a janitor or maybe drove a forklift or something. He eked by, barely paying his bills. No one ever took any real notice of him all of his life. He was quiet. Kept to himself. Didn't say much of anything. Didn't do much of anything by all accounts. Went to work. Punched in. Punched out. People figured he was simple, like stupid simple. I never met him so I wouldn't know. Anyway, he got old and eventually died. When an appraiser went to his little house to see how much the bank should list it for, he found the usual stuff in an old guy's house. Dated furniture. Dusty drapes. Newspapers. There were probably some expired cans of soup in the pantry. All was as it should be until he took a look in the attic. When he poked his head in the attic and flipped on his flashlight, he discovered this huge like stockpile of paintings. Oil on canvas types. They were sublime apparently. Landscapes mostly, some with storms, some with clear skies. Naturalistic stuff. Very impressive. So the guy worked his crap job and kept to himself by design. It left him enough energy to go home and paint most nights." Todd fiddled with his hoodie's zipper. "Now, come on. Wasn't he an artist? Even though know one knew or saw his stuff until after he died?"

"Why do you think about him so much?" Rebecca noticed an extra shine to Todd's eyes.

"Later. Answer my question."

Feeling awkward but not wanting to lie, she looked for a diversion. "I don't know. I guess I'd have to see the paintings." Rebecca left to retrieve another beer. Todd tracked her exit.

"Why are you changing your tune? Earlier you said an artist needs an audience. Now you're saying there's something to the quality of his work."

The twist off top released a hiss into the air. She tossed the cap onto the table. It slid into the side of one of the glasses and rattled to a stop. "Well crap, Todd. It's complicated business defining things," Rebecca said before taking a sip. "Art probably involves both." Tasting the bright flavor of hops pleased her. "Did you want another one?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine." Upon feeling a tingle radiate in one of his feet, Todd uncrossed his legs. "Let's assume they were really great paintings. Accurate depictions of landscapes--"

"Overdone."

"What?"

"Landscapes are overdone."

"So now the subject matter is important, too?"

"Probably."

"Some help you are."

"Sorry. I'm not enjoying how personal this academic conversation is getting for you. I was trying to get away from talk of artists and stick to art. Keep going."

"No."

"Oh, get off it. I'm listening." She took another sip. Her fingers felt slick and cold holding the bottle. She placed it on the table. Her hair drifted back across her forehead and she returned it with a swipe to its proper place.

Todd leaned forward and engaged her with eye contact. "Assume there is enough skill in the work and it has whatever subject matter you think necessary. Are you really going to tell me it's not a piece of art and that the old man as the maker of the thing isn't an artist?"

"I'm sorry, but I still don't buy it. You can't just horde it for yourself. Artists are generous; they aren't misers. That guy may have had all the talent in the world, but if he never shared it he's not an artist. Temperamentally or something."

Todd leaned back. A small burp passed breathily between his lips. The taste of malt from the Colt 45 returned. "You can't just share your art. It's not that easy, to go out and share it. Would you rather he stuck it on his front porch or something?"

"He had friends, didn't he? He could have shown his friends."

"That's all it takes
showing a few people?"

"At least the effort was made. So yes. I think that's all it takes."

Todd made eye contact with Rebecca. 
In the poorly lit room, her pupils were big and surrounded by hazel slivers. "Well damn."

"What?"

"I like identify with the dead guy because neither one of us are famous or known. Well, I mean he got to be after the fact. But I see your point and now I don't feel as discouraged."

"You say it like it's a problem."

"Well..." Todd looked the Polaroids again. "I guess it is. I got used to thinking it was out of my control. My failure that is."

"Fame has nothing to do with artistry. I'll give you that. But yeah, you can't just shove all the stuff under your mattress. What good is that?"

With a click from the thermostat, the whir of the central air began. Todd paid attention to the low-level white noise of the fan motor. "It's safe keeping it under-wraps," he conceded. "I should get going."

Rebecca got to her feet to stop her frazzled-haired friend. "Now, now. No need for that."

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Just feeling tired. I've been preoccupied lately, thinking about what I am and what I'm gonna do with myself. Sucks to have a knot you've been picking at for a long time untied so quickly by someone else. But, it's nice to be freed." Todd rose to his feet and pulled his shirt down. The wooden floor released a creak as Todd leaned over to grab his glass. "Thanks for the beer."

"You're welcome. Leave it. I'll take care of it." Rebecca stretched out a hand a took the glass from Todd. It was warm. "Thanks for the visit."

"Welcome."